The Long Road to a Dreamed Marriage

By TJP Asmadiredja

A dream wedding for a Muslim is not enough with a luxurious building, graceful dresses, fancy suits, and religious food. The dream wedding for a Muslim is a blessed marriage.

Blessings start from the process of preparing, to undergoing it. The journey is quite long, and it can not only be prepared in a short time.

Marriage that becomes a lifelong activity certainly needs to be learned, unfortunately for many years we school there are no lessons about this. Every Muslim must think about and learn the nature of marriage, the sharia about marriage, and its laws in Islam.

Not to mention there is a vision and mission and the purpose of marriage that must be formed, and some halal ways to start ta’aruf or find a partner.

Look for some studies and experiences of people who have already gone through this process. Read books and learn to people who are theoretical experts in their field.

This one path is full of temptations, there is courtship, promiscuity, friend with benefits, and religious isitilah relationship with the opposite sex that certainly has come out of the boundaries of sharia.

Here we need to be careful, continue to draw closer to Allah SWT and recognize the adverse effects that will be faced if we want to do that. A blessed marriage will not be achieved with him either.

Not to mention also having to resist temptation if your past comes back and wants to repeat the relationship you’ve been through with him before.

If we have entered the stage of ta’aruf, we often ask Allah SWT to show the right person. Prepare all the needs of the wedding, ranging from physical, mental, to financial.

Prepare a list of questions for prospective couples to get to know each other. If you meet him in person, invite someone to mediate. Understand the adab-adab ta’aruf and its limitations.

Strengthen your heart by praying istikharah. Pray and give ourselves to God. If it is suitable, then accept it and do not waste time to serve. The sooner the better to avoid slander.

If it does not fit, then reject it with a good adab, no need to grieve or feel bad to burden ourselves. Or if we are rejected, believe that Allah almighty gives the best for us. Don’t give up and keep trying.

If you are a man, immediately convey our wishes to the guardian and prospective family of women. We must be ready whatever the decision of the guardian or prospective family of women. Agree on the time for the agreement and reception, do not forget to pay attention to the existing culture and customs, do not violate the Shari’ah.

On the eve of the wedding, the temptation will never stop. Sometimes our hearts are overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety, worry, and doubt. Usually the ex will arrive at this time, in addition to wedding preparations that are very draining energy and emotions. Lots of prayer, and be patient.

There is a marriage that is religiously and stately valid. Do not leave one of them, so that our marriage becomes a happy marriage without the burden of community gossip.

After marriage, start with your partner to talk about the future more deeply with good communication between couples. Welcome to a dream household full of blessings.

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